Family to Family featured on KPRC Channel 2

Click2Houston recently did an interview with our staff and one of our birth mothers. This is a very informative piece and illustrates the work that we do and the way that we help our client families.

Open? Semi-Open? Matching Process?

When you opt for private infant adoption, your process may be a little different than if you were going through international placement or placement from foster care, but the emotional roll-a-coaster effect is still present. In foster care placement as well as international placement, after you have qualified, had your home study, processed all of the paperwork, then usually a child will be ‘referred’ to you for placement. Naturally, you have the right to refuse a referral, but the average person doesn’t. In private infant adoption, the birth mother and/or birth father choose the adoptive family.

Today, almost all birth mothers want a semi-open or open adoption rather than a closed adoption with the adoptive family. Because of today’s recommended best practices, almost all agencies allow the birth mother to choose the family she wants as parents for her baby. Studies by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute in Washington D.C. have shown that the more open the adoption, the better it is for the adoptee, the birth family and the adoptive parents as well. That is a hard concept to get your mind around when you are rebounding from years of failed infertility treatments and you have watched too many ‘adoption stories’ on the Lifetime Channel. But it is true.

Most adoptions are completed without any problems and the adoptive family and birth family forge a real bond and a lifelong relationship. However, you don’t know how your process will proceed when you begin this challenging and emotional experience. I recommend that you opt for a semi-open adoption to begin with and leave the door open for a more open adoption if it is possible. A semi-open adoption is one in which you meet the birth family and are given an opportunity to develop a close bond and relationship with each other and attend the birth of your child. This type of relationship may include your extended family as well as the birth family’s extended family. The difference in this type of adoption and a fully open adoption is no identifying information is exchanged by the parties. I hope and pray that you will wind up with an open adoption in which you and the birth family have exchanged identifying information and are contacting each other directly and maybe even meeting periodically so your child and any siblings can learn about each other. But you don’t know if that is possible in the beginning of the relationship. The openness of your adoption can be increased as time goes on.

In our agency, a full 25% of our adoptive families and birth families have opened their adoption to include the exchange of last names and identifying information by the actual birth of the child. In most of those cases, the birth mother puts the name the adoptive family has chosen for the child as well as their last name on the baby’s birth certificate. In many cases, the adoptive family and their extended family members as well as the birth family and their extended family members are present at the birth and spend hours or days together making memories for the sake of the child they all love.

Even if they don’t have a fully open adoption from birth, another 20% of our adoptive families are able to grow their relationship with the birth family into a fully open relationship within the first two or three years. So our anecdotal experience is that roughly ½ of our placements are fully open eventually. This is not perfect, but we feel that it respects the needs and wishes of all parties involved.

If a mother matches with a family and is unable to make that attachment and bond with them for some reason, she may ask for a rematch. Also, we have families who for one reason or another have agreed to a match under circumstances in which they find impossible to continue and have asked for a rematch. Our agency believes that you and the birth mother are the only people who have a right to make decisions about what type of an adoption you want. Occasionally, a mismatch will happen. That is fine. We will be glad to rematch both parties, because this adoption is about them and the baby, not our agency or our time line constraints or our cash flow or our ego. It’s about you as the parents, both biological and adoptive, and most importantly the child.

The scenario I have described is a wonderful process to watch from the outside as well as to live from the inside. The only way to achieve this type of adoption is to take time with the decision making process. Don’t be rushed into a decision and don’t be afraid to voice concerns about the situation. My experience tells me that if you are having concerns about the birth mother and the openness of the adoption, then she is too. When both parties are participating in the type of adoption and placement that they need and want, then very little else can go wrong.

Training Cancelled

The adoptive family training workshop scheduled for Saturday, February 20, 2010, has been cancelled. If you have any questions about this or the required number of hours of training for adoptive families, please contact Family to Family.

2010 Family to Family Calendar

The 2010 Family to Family Calendars are ready for sale! Prices start at $15 per calendar but if you order 5 or more than just pay $12 each and if you order 10 or more then you pay just $10 each. Please contact us at 281-342-4042 or via email at deb@fam2fam.org if you would like to place an order. The Family to Family Calendar is an annual fundraiser with pictures of our adorable children placed for adoption. Thank you for your support!

Thanksgiving

What does Thanksgiving make you think about?  As an adoptive mother it brings tears to my eyes to think about the gratitude in my heart that I have for a very special lady that allowed one of my biggest dreams to come true...the dream of being a mom!  There were several years that we attended family Thanksgiving celebrations and would hear comments like, "when are you going to start your family" or "you guys sure are taking your time." We had not shared with them the deep desire to grow our family and the trials we were going through at that very moment in time!  After a few years it was clear that adoption was the answer to growing our family.  We were very excited for the first time in a long time that we could become three!


When we first spoke with Family to Family the ladies there were nice and so understanding! It was amazing.  It was not long before we were matched and our Princess was born in the fall of that year.  In our situation we do not have regular communication with the lady that I hold dear to my heart, our daughters birthmother, but there is not a single day that goes by that she doesn't cross my mind. I am so thankful to her for the opportunity to be a mom. 

When Thanksgiving comes around the daily thoughts turn into regular tears, I honestly think there are not enough words of gratitude that could ever express what I have in my heart for this wonderful lady.  I know that each day we are to be thankful, and I am, but Thanksgiving time puts a whole new perspective into my heart and mind.  I am thankful for Family to Family and the A+ services they offer, and also to the lady that gave our Princess life and allowed us to become parents through that choice! 

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

November is National Adoption Month

National Adoption Month happens at the best time of year. As you near the holiday season with your child, remember your birth parents and the gift that they have given you. If you have not sent pictures to your child's biological parents, the holidays are the best time to do so. Your child's birth parents will be thinking of you and your child so what better way to thank them than to send pictures over the holidays. As usual if you are an adoptive family with Family to Family you can mail these to our office or send them to us via email and we will have them printed and mailed. Thank you in advance for thinking of your birth parents and the staff at Family to Family wishes you all a wonderful holiday season.

Unplanned Pregnancy?

Are you or someone you know experiencing an unplanned pregnancy? If so, first stop and take a deep breath and realize that you are not alone. Research has stated that every year 49% of pregnancies are unplanned, the highest percentage being among teenagers and individuals who do not have easy access to birth control. If you are pregnant, you have several options to consider. These include parenting your child, having an abortion, or deciding to make an adoption plan for your child. This decision will be difficult and should not be made lightly. You will be forced to reflect on past events in your life that got you to this point as well as thinking of your future with a child and how that will affect your dreams and goals. If you are at a place in life where a child fits into your plan, then congratulations on your pregnancy. It is important to immediately start receiving good prenatal care and taking care of you. If you are not at a time in your life where a child fits into the picture then you have a decision to make. Know that because you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering not parenting a child does not mean that you do not love or want this baby. It just means that now is not a good time for you. Maybe you are in school working towards a degree, maybe you are on the fast track at a job, maybe you are not in a committed relationship and cannot raise a child on your own or maybe you just are not ready to have a child to care for at this time.

So now you must decide between having an abortion or placing the baby for adoption. If you are considering an abortion, you will want to consider all of the pros and cons of the process and talk to someone that handles abortions and get all of your facts first. You should also consider that there is an abortion alternative and this process is adoption. The word adoption is becoming more widely used thanks to the many celebrities and high profile individuals that have announced their adoptions. Adoptions used to be a closed process but now they are more open. Open adoptions leave the birthmother to choose the family for her child and receive updates of the child after the placement. Meeting and getting to know your adoptive family will make your adoption experience much more enjoyable. Finding the right adoption agency to work with can be overwhelming. There are so many agencies out there that it can be difficult to decide. Gather as much information about the adoption agencies that you can and then work with the agency that best suits your needs and that you are the most comfortable with. Having a relationship with the adoption professionals will also help in making this process easier.

An unplanned pregnancy is difficult and will change your life whichever path you choose. Making this decision will be one of the hardest decisions you will ever make, but by taking the time to research your options and listening to yourself, you will be able to figure out which path is for you. Your baby is counting on you to make the best decision for his/her life so let the idea sink in and then think of you and your future and your baby’s future.